 This week is my birthday and I have had people ask me what do you want for your birthday? As a mom and a practical wife, I think of the things I "should" get or the things we need, like: a new coffee pot or money towards Christmas coming up.
My husband gave me some money and so did my mom; so I was so excited about the idea of purchasing something that I did not “need”, something that was not for function and necessity: like food or cleaning supplies. I spent a few hours scoping the Internet. I looked at purses, shoes and eventually landed on some new “red” suitcases. They are the new 360-degree turn ones. Actually, that’s not new, but it’s new to me. We are going to Disney for Christmas, so it would be awesome to have those. My mind kept swinging from “get them” to you don’t ”need them”. I became aware of the joy I was getting form shopping for something “pretty”. I have been an interior designer for 30 years and I have come to realize how important it is for women to feel pretty and to have their homes and environments look pretty. Women love pretty stuff! As I am writing this, I am thinking of the movie “Pretty woman”. She did not feel pretty because she came off the streets. But as she felt "loved" and dressed herself up, she changed her belief and her belief changed her perspective and her perspective changed her life. God made women to feel pretty and to like pretty. We have an innate sense to decorate our homes our environments and our bodies. Celebrate something today. Wear your pretty shoes. Buy some pretty fresh flowers for your kitchen. Eat off of those special plates! Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself and "feel & enjoy pretty". So often we expect that to come from our husbands and family. If you aren’t receiving it from others, do it for your self! Celebrate YOU today! God sees you and calls you "pretty". Song of Solomon 4:1 Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!
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Often women ask, “How do I have a better relationship with my husband. How can I get him to love the Lord and love me”?
I have learned a few key things, the hard way, that are right there in the Word of God: You can’t fix him, but you can change you. The Holy Spirit is the teacher (John14:26), not me. Allow the Holy Spirit to teach you and he will do the same in your husband. Put God first: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Matt 22:37. Desire to be pleasing unto the Lord in ALL areas of your life, including your marriage. Walk in love! Let go of the need to win: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:19 *Listen- Be slow to speak and repeat what they are saying- so often we jump ahead and want to make our point, and we never hear their point. We all need to be heard. When we make it our goal to hear our mate and desire to fulfill many of their needs, NOT ALL, then we come together in unity. If you’re thinking, well he never does that for me. I challenge you to do it first. Be the first one to love. God sees what you do in private! *Slow to speak. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Prov 18:21 Speak or confess life over your marriage, even when you don’t see it in the natural. You get what you say (Mark 11:23-24). *Forgive and let go of resentment. Anger is the doorway for the enemy to come in. It is the breeding ground for resentment. Stop letting the enemy in. *Pray: Give God your marriage and ask Him to unite you as one with Him. Allow God to change your heart. Being in God’s kingdom is a work of the heart, God changes us form the inside out. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matt 6:33 equates to: When we seek God first and get in right standing with Him, He works on our marriage. This isn't just go to church on Sunday. It means allowing God access, to all areas of our life, and allowing Him to change our heart, into what is pleasing to Him.  After receiving Jesus Christ, as your Savior, there is a process of being made new or whole. Romans 10:10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. "Unto" is the process and salvation is eternal life but also, salvation means "to be made whole". It is a process. The Holy Spirit and the Word of God does the work in our hearts! As I was reading, John Maxwells Leadership Bible, this morning, the revelation for me was; the intimacy with God increases as we mature and become adults (Spiritually mature). This is exciting! We don't need to get discouraged with wherever we are in the process. Persevere, keep moving forward. We are all growing closer to Him, as we seek Him. One other key: "with our mouth" confession is made "unto" salvation (unto wholeness). Declare with your mouth: Thank You Father, that You are growing me with your Word and the Holy Spirit. I desire to mature and know you more. Amen. There I was standing in the lobby of the bank arguing with the bank teller. We were in a stand off to see who was going to win. She had made a decision that my deposit was not going to be credited on time to clear checks that I had written and mailed that morning and there was nothing she could do to help me. Fear rose up in me and I was completely reacting to someone with more power than me; I was allowing my emotions to rule me.
Her boss quickly came over and stood in the middle of us to see if she could reduce my anger and resentment so the other customers would quit watching the event. She came up with a way to help me with what I needed. As I left the bank the Lord convicted me of my behavior. It wasn’t important who was right; it was important how I acted or in that case "re"-acted. So often we respond in a negative, unloving way and cause damage to ourselves and others thru sickness, toxic feelings, or just simply allowing our joy to escape us. More often that not, it’s not about what the argument was over. It is about something else, just a bad day or sometimes even deeper. Either way God wants us to operate in his love and walk in his joy. He sent Jesus to set us free form whatever is holding us captive. We often allow our emotions to rule us and we get stuck there. In Matthew 9, Jesus heals a paralyzed man. In verse 2, He says, “Get up, your “sins” are forgiven. He doesn’t say you are healed. This is such a clear indication of how our sin or offense can make us sick. The sin of un-forgiveness is so closely related to sickness. When we choose to LET GO OF WINNING and forgive. We are healed (emotionally & physically). The important questions to ask are: *What triggered that reaction? *Is this a greater reaction than the circumstance warrants? Sometimes, we can just be tired or fearful; or, it can be a deeper wound that needs to be healed? If we are just tired then we want to investigate: How can I do this differently next time? OWN YOUR EMOTIONS SO THEY DON'T OWN YOU But we need to understand what caused us to act that way in the first place. That is how we get to the root of deeper issues and do the healing work to be set free!!! I went back to the bank, ok it wasn’t the very next day…it was a week later, feeling a little humiliated…. I took a small gift and went into the bank and walked over to the teller and asked her to forgive me for acting so rude and ugly to her. She immediately said its ok and started taking some responsibility. I said, “I came to say I am sorry and ask you to forgive me for my actions”. As I walked out I felt so free and so in order. The act of confession and taking responsibility is step one for being set free. OWN YOUR EMOTIONS SO THEY DON'T OWN YOU Prayer: Father, reveal to me where I am holding on to an offense; where I am angry, resentful and bitter. Help me to take responsibility for my part and forgive, so that I can be healed and whole and walk in all you have for me! Amen. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 KJV Our biggest opportunity’s to grow are inside our relationships. But what do we do when we feel beat up and bad inside a relationship, whether it’s a relationship with our dad, a friend, a boyfriend, what about even a husband? The other night I was at bible study, after the message, we broke up into small groups. The topic for discussion was: “How do you walk in God’s word, in those stressful relationships?” A girl in the group started to share how she felt like she constantly fell short in this area with her boyfriend. He would often tear her down with his words. For example if they went to church and she felt like she was growing from the lesson taught, she would share with him, “Oh, that was good I can apply that to my life”. He would then be condescending and convince her that she could not and she would defend herself and start feeling beat up or that maybe he was right. We tend to feel hopeful and encouraged when we are moving forward and growing. This causes us to feel like our life is working. If you are in a relationship, especially a key one, with someone that is constantly suppressing you or tearing you down instead of building you up, Ask yourself- #1- Is it possible to limit the amount of time you spend with them? Surround yourself with people that speak life and encourage you, in your growth in all areas of life, as well as spiritual. #2 If this is a relationship that you are invested in long term, STOP reacting to their negative response. Break the pattern! When we don’t react, it allows the Holy Spirit to do the work. When we are quiet, then God can convict and the person and change can occur. The Holy Spirit can also speak to us when we focus on our growth and Him, instead of the problem. If you say Terri, the change may not occur. That is correct. You can’t change another person, but God can, IF THEY choose to allow the word of God and the Holy Spirit to do so. But something does change. YOU! By getting in the word and confessing what God says you are. You start getting your worth form God not another human. After a walk with the Lord in this area and planting the word in your heart by reading and saying it out loud, you can just let the toxic words of another pass you by. When we blame others, instead of taking responsibility, we are projecting our issues onto others, instead of dealing with them. If we are left to those issues, often we will look at them. God surfaces our wounds for healing and restoration. Prayer: Father help me to see when I am defending or placing blame. Expose the deeper issue so it can heal. Help me to store, in my heart, what your word says I am. Line my belief up with your truth so my worth will come from you. Thank you Father! Amen. |
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